Being a mom is an incredible blessing. One that I do not take for granted, especially with all that I went through to become a mother. I know that I am blessed. That goes without saying. However, there are days... no... scratch that. There have been weeks, maybe even months, where I felt like my patience has been spent. Moments where I wanted to curl up in a ball and beg for mercy because the load became overbearing. Nights where I cried myself to sleep because I was failing at this thing called motherhood.
Normally, I wouldn't write this out. But something tells me that there is a mother who is going through and she needs to know that she is not alone. *Clears throat* Honey, you are not alone! I was on Facebook a few weeks ago, where a friend posted she cried while sitting in the car with her child. Her transparency touched my heart. Another girlfriend did a vlog, sharing her battle with depression. The -ish is real out here ladies and gentleman.
There are days that I don't know if I am coming or if I am going. If I am not working on marketing for my business, then I am working on marketing for my book. If I am not working on my book then I am trying to potty train my two and a half-year-old, who would rather pee everywhere else but in the toilet. Then the five-month-old wants to be nursed or held, thus my hands are not free to do anything. By the time help comes along, the day is gone, and I am not sure what work was done or still left to be done. But thank God something got done. Not sure what but something. #Winning #TakeMyVictoryHowICan
The role of being a stay at home mother is not for the faint of heart. The one thing I crave the most is a few moments to myself. My husband is amazing. Although he is empathetic to my needs, he often doesn't fully understand. When I get at least 30 minutes, I take full of advantage of that time. That 30 minutes easily turns into an hour or two. However, long I can get before Jellybean needs to be nursed again. During that time I shower, lay on the bed and close my eyes. For a brief moment, I am in a zone that is free of life's responsibilities (see the picture below to see my zone).
I would never wish to not be a mother. It is what I prayed for. But there are times where I need an escape. I need time to regroup so that I can be better for them. I am convinced that part of my reason for feeling overwhelmed, is due in part to feeling the need to have it together. What does that even mean? Social media is a blessing and curse. I am afraid to admit that I sometimes get jealous when I see other moms out there doing it for the "gram". They got the chance to comb their hair, shower and even put on a full face of makeup. Meanwhile, I am wearing sweats, with my hair in a messy ponytail, complete with a spit stained shirt. This is my life.
*Deep sigh* There is beauty in the grind. A sweet kiss from Beans to watching Jellybean fast asleep in my arms. Precious moments that are etched in my mind forever. I draw on these times, to help me remember that one day my girls will be adults and on their own one day. Soon it won't be cool to hold my hand anymore and shower me with a thousand hugs and kisses. So grind and push on, because despite how I feel my girls need me. Still, self-care is vital. What do you do to get self-care? Share in the comments in the below.
In the meantime, hang in there mama, and pass the wine!